A perfect case for better health care, reproductive education and not naming your daughter 'Candy'.

Recent stories on CNN news and the Huffington Post are talking about Candy Vigneri, the Maryland woman who was arrested Wednesday on child abuse and endangerment charges after giving birth in a Washington, DC PortaPotty.

Here's the messy details.
From CNN
"A 44-year-old Maryland woman faces charges of child abuse after police say she gave birth in a portable toilet and dropped the newborn into the waste tank.
After exiting the portable toilet in Long Wharf Park in Cambridge, Candy Vigneri got a cigarette from a construction worker and sat at a picnic table, police Lt. Wayne Bromwell said.
As she sat, a male passer-by approached the toilet but Vigneri warned him, "Don't go in there, I just had a baby there," police said.
The man immediately called 911. Vigneri returned to the toilet and retrieved the newborn from the foul liquid at the base of the tank.
The baby was unresponsive and covered with a blue antibacterial chemical agent when emergency responders reached the scene, police said.
Vigneri told officers that she didn't know she was pregnant.
She was arrested Wednesday on charges of child abuse and reckless endangerment and is being held on a $50,000 bond.
The baby is in stable condition at Easton Memorial Hospital. Dorchester County social services will take control of the newborn after she is released from the hospital."

(A few other reported details, Vigneri lives in Maryland with her other children. Not really someone who wouldn't know she was preggers.) Here's a great article on it, with some thoughtful insights.
http://www.examiner.com/x-2134-DC-Ethical-Issues-Examiner~y2009m7d2-Ultimate-throwaway-Baby-born-in-portapotty-screams-about-American-society
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Yep, that's America. We're fucking nuts, here. And pathetic. Sure, Candy Vigneri is pathetic, that goes without saying. What do you expect when you name your daughter Candy? (Anybody ever heard of Senator or General or CEO Candy? No.)

But even more pathetic is the culture that leads to this kind of life choice.

Expensive, unavailable health care often leads women to not seek prenatal care. The high costs of living impact families that cannot afford the birth control, doctors visits, or even food for the kids they have. The obvious lack of mental health care facilities and services leaves folks to be crazy (like Candy clearly is) and wander the streets having babies in toilets. Poor education, including inadequate reproductive and child development education leaves people to "figure shit out for themselves" and people are clearly stupid. Shame and politics affect women's access to all reproductive options. A culture that is 'gaga' over babies rewards pregnancy with social status and promotes idealized versions of motherhood, but leaves women out in the cold when it comes to health care or child services or family rearing support. And now this child is here in the world and is "enjoying" the care of the local Dept of Family Services, another wonderful element of modern American life (sarcasm included).

We have spent a lot of time arguing between the left and right on the health care plan, on abortion rights and the value of Human Life, on what this administration or the last administration did or did not do. When it comes down to it, what we need more than debates and mud slinging and blame is real solutions that affect real people. You know, people like Baby Vigneri, who are going to inherit what ever mess we create or clean up.

So next time you feel compelled to blame the Right for all the worlds ills, or blame the Left for everything gone wrong, remember this new little baby. Remember that what this baby, and in fact all of us need is actual solutions, and real solutions require compromise and respect. They require us to put our petty attitudes and prejudices aside and do what is necessary to make REAL CHANGE, not merely affective campaign slogans.

For all of us in America, it is time to give birth.

Or get off the pot.

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Save the Lioness from the US Government

Hello all! I am once again outraged with our government, our world, and the situation in general, but one particular bee has been buzzing in my bonnet and stinging me in the noggin. Warning, this may piss you off too.



Now we all are aware that we are at war, and we are all pretty clear on
the legal facts that women are not allowed to be serving in combat. Our
military rules continue to refuse women the opportunity to serve in
combat positions, or receive the pay and honors that our combat troups
are afforded. Which is bad enough, from a women's right stand point.



But what if I told you that women ARE serving in combat positions and
risking their lives, but still receive no honors, combat pay, or for
that matter proper combat training? Well, PBS has done the telling for
me, with their recent'y aired documentary, "Lioness".



The Lionesses are women soldiers serving alongside their male
counterparts in Iraq, going from door to door searching, engaging in
gun battles, fighting and living and dying the same lives as male
soldiers, but without the benefits of legal sanction. Our military
leaders and generals know that women are necessary in combat roles and
are using them, even coining the term 'Lioness' to refer to their vital
military role in our modern urban warfare. They are using and deploying
these women strategically into combat, but Congress has yet to approve
this change.



And the worst of it is this: these women enter these combat roles with
inadequate training for combat. (And yet they don't end up like Jessica
Lynch, which is a testament to the skill and ability of these strong
Lioness soldiers). They get on the job training, with a machine gun.



Now this is not only sexist and unfair, it is dangerous military
strategy to send combat troups UNTRAINED FOR COMBAT into a front line
position. Dangerous for the women AND their male cohorts.



All I can say is call your Congressperson and demand a change in our
policy towards women in combat. Oh, and watch this documentary on it.
Here's the Newsweek article about it.





PBS Documentary "Lioness" Follows Women Soldiers

http://www.newsweek.com/id../166851



So that's my Outrage of the Week. I'll give you another next week, after I've calmed down. ;-L

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All Men Want Is Sex, and the Other Adventures of Myth Man.

November 22, 2006 - Wednesday


All Men Want Is Sex, and the Other Adventures of Myth Man.


I was recently at a party, and one girl was doing a survey for a class she was taking. The survey was about men's desire for sex, and her theory was that all men want, all they care about in relationships, is sex. The guys in the room answered her questions gracefully, but it got me thinking. It's not the first time I have come across this male sex myth.


THE MYTHS - Men are sex fiends, they only want sex. Men are not emotional beings, are not deep enough to feel emotions. Men are sexually assertive. Men avoid commitment. Men will have sex with a woman just because she is willing. Men are not worried about their appearance. Men are pigs. They are dogs. They are sexually predatorial. They WANT/NEED sex.

Everybody knows men want sex. If a man says he doesn't want sex, we all snicker under our breath. Of course he wants sex. If he says he doesn't want sex, He is A. lying B. pretending to be pure and sensitive to get sex or C. in denial. Why wouldn't a man want sex?
But this myth is ridiculous. Just as ridiculous as men don't cry or all women are completed by being mommies. It is obvious that men, like women, have a variety of reasons to wanting and having sex at any given moment. Men have commitments that shape their desire for sex. Men have day to day situations that leave them uninterested in sex; fatigue, mood, self-confidence, hunger, whatever. Men, like women, are concerned with the ramifications and complications of having sex. The affect that sex may have on social situations and existing relationships is a key factor in men's sexual decisions. It feels obvious to say these things. Of course, men have situations in which they don't want sex.

But, now take a second to reread the previous paragraph "Men are pigs.." These statements clash with the obvious reality of man. And still it seems hard to let go of the myths. This man that can't get enough sex is Myth Man, the manifestation of our unrealistic ideal of men. But Myth Man is not Reality Man. The man who comes home with a headache after work and has no interest in your new nightie is Reality Man. The man who can't feel sexy in the bedroom because he feels powerless at work is Reality Man. Myth Man is that guy in the movies that get shot three times and sews his own arm back on but when he sees his woman he still has the strength to whisk her passionately into his arms. Reality Man would lie on the gurney and say ouch if you even bumped him the wrong way.
We all know reality man. We live with him, we grew up with him, may work with him, or visit him on the holidays. But we have also internalized Myth Man. And myth man tells us that our man, as a man, always wants sex, so if the man of our life is not interested in sex is about not him, but us, the woman. The woman is unattractive. We can't blame the guy for not acting like the horny man that he is if the woman is fat, ugly or just unattractive. If our man doesn't want us then we are not attractive.
But the carnage of Myth Man is not yet complete. For then men see the disappointment in their partners, they have their own feelings of inadequacy in being unable to meet their partners needs. Myth Man tells men that if they were real men they would want sex, they would want to have sex with their partner when she wants it rather than just wanting to watch reruns of Friends. What kind of man are you, says Myth Man, and Reality Man feels small, emotionally and phallically.
We sit in the aftermath of Myth Mans rampage, our confidences damaged, our self worth destroyed. Sex seems rife with complications and difficulties, and we get a little gun shy towards sex, and towards intimacy with each other. Not only do we feel bad about ourselves, but we communicate less with each other.
I often meet and speak with men whom I believe feel a great deal of pressure to be sexually manly, and they often are apologizing for themselves not being comfortable with being sexual. "I know this is weird, but I don't feel into sex lately. It not her it's me." (Sure, sure says Myth Man). In fact, I think more often than not, men seem to have a sense of male ideal sexuality that is not what they are currently getting sexually, but cover that by saying "I haven't met anyone", "girls don't put out." "my wife isn't into it". When was the last time you heard a man complement himself or brag about his monthy sex bout with his partner. Men brag when they are getting a lot of women, or a lot of sex from their partner. Men are supposed feel sexy and attractive and desirable when they have lots of sex. Myth man would never let Reality man say "I am such a stud because I have sex with my wife once a month."

I could go on, but the point is made. What we all have to recognize about sex and desire is that everyone is different, and nobody has the live up to the myths about sex. They are just that, myths. Sex is about experiencing pleasure and without having pleasure in the rest of our life, we can't expect sex to be pleasurable either. If you want great sex (and most of us do) then be great to yourself. Accept yourself and your desire for what it is. Accept your man for what he is, a human being. Don't let Myth Man beat you up. Don't be Myth Man. Fuckin kill Myth Man, because that bastard is ruining your sex life. And only when myth man is dead can Reality Man be free. To just be, just live happily in reality. The sex is better over here, trust me.

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